Fall is intolerable, I dislike it, it’s my own personal cause for lunacy leaving me sad and cold.
When the leaves turn to dark hues of orange and brown, slowly detaching from the trees and falling off like a loose tooth, leaving all the trees naked, exposed and looking sad, I can’t help but relate.
I don’t hate fall, but it’s not my favorite season and it definitely makes me feel like a different, more moody person.
The dark gloomy days when I don’t see the sun aren’t fun, even if it looks aesthetically pleasing.
Those kinds of days make me feel like I have to stay inside, bored.
Rain and wet cement irritate me. Contrary to popular opinion, I really don’t think jumping in puddles is enjoyable.
To a middle-school aged me who ran out of class as the bell rang then slipped and fell into mud after it rained, the autumn season was no fun at all.
Fall definitely owes me an apology for that.
Wearing thick clothes makes me overheat when I’m walking around or when the weather changes from warm to windy every 10 minutes, as it usually does during these dreary months.
I hate pumpkin spice lattes with a passion and cinnamon-scented candles disgust me. They all make me feel like I’m inhaling and swallowing the smelly interior of a Michaels arts and crafts store.
Fall makes me sleepy and lethargic, even my brain gets foggy, like a sign telling me to hibernate.
I sometimes enjoy the cozy feeling of curling up in a blanket and having a lazy day, but after three months of lazy days, the novelty wears off.
After all, I am from Southern California and can’t go long without seeing the sun without losing sanity.
Overall, fall makes me anxious and sometimes sad.
Fall starts in late September, precisely September 22nd when the Autumnal Equinox occurs.
The Autumnal Equinox is the time of the year when the Earth’s axis and its orbit line up so that both the Northern and Western hemispheres get an equal amount of sunlight, marking the start of Fall, according to a 2023 AP News article.
Around this time I’m usually in school for the fall semester and am forced to balance all the stressors of school, work, my personal life and other responsibilities.
My stressors usually consume me. I struggle with my time management and I rarely have time for myself or to share with my loved ones.
The start of fall signifies that my perfect summer is over.
Summer is when I get a relaxing break filled with beach days, reading for fun, late night In-N-out runs and bright, blazing sunsets at 8 p.m.
All my associations with fall are bad. There are ways I could probably change that, but why would I want to?
Fall means staying in, scrolling through Instagram while in bed watching other people talk about how amazing fall is while rewatching “Hocus Pocus” and baking cinnamon rolls.
Unfortunately for me, baking doubles as a therapeutic time consumer and a source of heat, as my heater hardly warms my entire house.
Some good aspects of the fall season are the shows and movies people get to rewatch like the classic horror, slasher and psychedelic thriller movies.
A24’s “Midsommar” happens to be my comfort horror movie.
However, I hate that movies are my only escape from my house as the gloomy weather conditions in fall aren't conducive to my happiness.
The best parts of fall are the TikTok trends, specifically the ones including pets.
My favorite TikTok videos are of people dressing up their dogs like ghosts or puting empty pumpkins over their dogs’ heads and placing them in front of a scenic setting with the spooky song “Oh Klahoma” by Jack Stauber playing in the background.
Though I hate that scrolling through TikTok and seeing other people at pumpkin patches gives me the fear of missing out.
I also love the fall outfit get-ready-with-me trend and the sweater hauls that make me want to spend all my money.
There is a reason why I seek comfort foods, entertainment and comfortable clothes during this time. I have to endure through the cold harsh days of fall when I come home soaking wet from storms and what's left to comfort me is anything warm, physically or emotionally.
In theory, fall sounds pleasant. It is supposed to make me imagine the crisp sound of crunchy leaves on the ground.
Yes, fall has some good things, but overall I think I’m the Charlie Brown of fall.
Not to mention, a lot of bad things happen to me during this time such as being tense, getting sick and sinking into seasonal depression.
Seasonal depression, which is scientifically known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that occurs during certain seasons of the year, usually fall or winter, according to a John Hopkins Medicine webpage.
The disorder is caused by the shift of shorter days and less sun because of daylight savings and triggers a chemical change in the brain leading to depressive symptoms.
This disorder tends to affect women more than men and usually starts during adulthood, according to the same website.
My aversion to fall goes far beyond the fact that I don’t get to see the sun and my skin becomes a pale pasty vampire shade, it’s also because I then realize the holidays are right around the corner.
Fall brings me one step closer to Thanksgiving and Christmas, which might excite others, but leaves me with the bland taste of indifference and bitter memories of unconventional family experiences during the holidays.
I’ve always had a relatively normal Christmas and Thanksgiving, but I did grow up in a somewhat chaotic and unstable family environment so it was not always a happy time.
I also didn’t have a stereotypically large Latino family to celebrate with, although I will forever appreciate the loving effort my mother and sister always put into making these holidays as joyful as possible, it was still far from whatever perfect time everyone else was describing.
On top of that, there is always this pressure of buying people gifts and getting Black Friday deals.
It honestly makes me feel pressured to buy into the whole jolly Christmas vibe, and if I don’t wholeheartedly jump on the bandwagon I’m suddenly the Grinch.
Seasonal depression is not a joke, it’s something I actively try to not let define me.
But I might as well be the one hiding in an empty pumpkin head until fall is over.
Since my childhood, I’ve made many efforts to make my holiday seasons and fall better for myself.
Trips with my boyfriend, carving pumpkins even though I hate eating or smelling them, jumping on crunchy leaves and buying adorable beanies to match my fall outfits.
But in the end I think my resentment towards fall will be eternal.
Others may tell themselves as they await nine long months to smell cinnamon and pumpkin that fall will come again.
What I tell myself is if I suffer through fall and winter (I don’t hate winter as much), spring will come again.
The dead trees and flowers will eventually bloom again, exhibiting bright colors and those sluggish, depressive feelings that seem never-ending will leave.
I may change with fall, but it’s momentary melancholy.
