Members, allies and researchers from the LGBTQ+ community say sexual repression takes a toll on one’s sense of self because of the negative stigma surrounding sexual expression among non-straight individuals.
Christopher Fuller, San Jose State art and psychology junior who identifies as an LGBTQ+ community member, said he had to recover his confidence after carrying the burden of “playing a double life.”
Fuller said when he was around nine years old he realized that he wasn’t comfortable with his sexual identity because he comes from a masculine family who expected him to behave as a stereotypical “man.”
He said he endured more than four years of masking his identity by presenting one version of himself to his peers while trying to “come out” to others.
“Living with repression means that a lot of the time you have to create a new version of yourself for the world,” Fuller said. “The world says you don’t fit in and you have to create new ways to identify.”
Sexual repression can occur when a person can’t freely express their sexual impulses and emotions because of guilt or shame, according to the Encyclopedia of World Problems and Human Potential webpage.
The Encyclopedia of World Problems and Human Potential is a searchable, online platform of research work collected by the Union of International Associations, according to its webpage.
Individuals may feel the need to repress their sexual identities because they don't conform to the sexual expressions believed to be acceptable to various cultural backgrounds, religious beliefs and moral standards, according to the same webpage.
Fuller said repressing his full identity drained his energy, negatively affecting his mental stability on a daily basis.
“There was a point where I’d just rather feel the same negativities but be myself rather than keep up being someone else to be accepted,” Fuller said.
Registered psychotherapist Ariele Jacobson conducted research for Saint Paul University in Canada in 2018, where 10 LGBTQ+ individuals participated and all reported feelings of repression.
Jacobson found that sexual repression derives from trying to make sense of one’s place in the LGBTQ+ community and gain acceptance from society, which affects mental health.
“The participants explained how they perceived that these factors have led to and maintained sexual repression at different points in their lives and how they believed that they have influence in their mental health,” Jacobson stated in her 2018 study.
Robert Marx, SJSU child and adolescent development assistant professor, conducted research on how gender, sexuality and adolescent empowerment affect one’s mental health.
Marx said LGBTQ+ community members’ mental health is affected by sexual repression because they can’t find peace, become depressed and develop anxiety when hiding their true identities.
Marx’s research concluded that 33% of adolescents who identified as transgender and gender non-conforming were sexually harassed, according to a Feb. 1 journal article co-authored by Marx.
Some people feel it's “safer” to keep their identity secret, Marx said.
“When we think about sexuality and sexual repression, the first thing I think about is the factors that make someone less likely to express their sexuality,” Marx said. “What we know from research is that queer people exist in a society that tells them that they are wrong, tells them they are bad and constantly legislates what they can do.”
Marx said many queer people have been taught from a young age about what is “right” or “wrong” in society including using a specific bathroom and wearing clothes that align with sterotypical gender norms.
Societal expectations become subliminal messages that urge LGBTQ+ individuals to hide who they are, Marx said.
“The more that young people internalize messages of rejection, the more they expect negative outcomes, the more [likely] they are to have higher rates of depression, anxiety and trouble in school,” Marx said.
Fuller said hiding his identity felt like “twisting a knife” because he was living in fear of rejection, but he eventually found the courage to acknowledge that coming out was his choice in life.
“I realized how much harm [hiding my sexuality] was causing me,” he said. “I can’t even guarantee this is the same amount of harm it would cause if I would come out, I was inflicting more damage on myself because of the fear and situation.”
LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to experience violence, suicide, drug abuse, depression and mental health issues, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) LGBT Youth webpage.
Individuals who identify as LGBTQ+ are more likely to be victims of assault by their peers, according to the CDC webpage.
34% of LGBTQ+ students are bullied on school property, 28% are electronically harassed and 10% have been physically injured because of their sexuality, according to a 2015 Youth Risk Behavior Survey by the CDC.
SJSU offers programs to students on campus who feel unsafe talking about their sexualities.
The university also offers a space for LGBTQ+ students at the “PRIDE” Student Success Center office located inside the Student Union.
The PRIDE program offers counseling, events and resources to support the university’s LGBTQ+ students, according to its website.
“It really depends on their communities, religion and who is around that person,” said Bonnie Sugiyama, PRIDE and Gender Equity Centers director. “A few things that can happen is that people can internalize [being rejected] and hate themselves then they try not to be that person anymore, based on how people treat them.”
Sugiyama said many LGBTQ+ individuals who visit the center are not necessarily looking for a mentor, but a community of other students.
“They want to be around people their age, they want friends who can understand them,” Sugiyama said.
Sugiyama also said many students who’ve reached out to the PRIDE Center arrived with a timid personality but became extroverted as they mingled and interacted with other peers.
In the past five years more students have begun identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community but many don’t visit the PRIDE center because they are still coming to terms with their identities, Sugiyama said.
“I know that not all LGBTQ+ spaces are welcoming of all identities but my goal is to let students know that we have these specific groups that are supported of all identities,” Sugiyama said. “I am happy with our center. We have a majority of people who identify in the [bisexual/pansexual] spectrum.”
