Self-love normally refers to positive behaviors, well-being and happiness through acceptance, affirmations and confidence, to name a few. While it means something different for each person,
I say self-love starts by going under the sheets.
To no surprise, self-sexual stimulation has been looked at in a negative light for centuries.
Hallie Liberman, author of the book “Buzz: The Stimulating History of the Sex Toy,” said the stigma started when Christianity and other religions forbade followers from any form of sex that wasn’t reproductive.
“Masturbation has been considered a sin since the fourth century, not just because it was non-procreative, but also because it occurred outside of marriage,” Liberman said in a June 5, 2018 Helloclue article, a platform for reproductive health.
Some Bible passages encourage people to wait until marriage to have sexual encounters because sex outside of that institution is a sin.
Because self-sexual stimulation including masturbation is typically seen as involving lust, addiction and self-centeredness, the act is often done in secret, according to an Aug. 4, 2017 True Freedom Trust article, a UK ministry resource website.
Aside from religion, societal notions play into the stigma of self-pleasure.
Masturbation isn’t taught in sex education, according to The Body, an online AIDs resource platform. In fact, most states are still considered to be in the dark ages when it boils down to sexuality. A study found 74% of males and 48% of female adolescents ages 14-17 masturbate.
So, why isn’t masturbation a part of sex ed’s curriculum when it’s the safest sexual practice because it doesn’t put you at risk for STI transmission or unwanted pregnancy?
“Not teaching people about masturbation creates and reinforces the idea that masturbation is a shameful practice, which is based in moral judgments and not evidence-based public health,” Andrea Barrica, founder of the sex education website O.school said in The Body article.
As a female myself, I was never told masturbating was OK, but at the same time, I saw it was almost normalized for males. It’s like women’s desires have been suppressed while mens’ have been glorified, particularly in the media.
The Netflix show “Bridgerton” is an example, which portrayed women as shameful for partaking in any type of sexual acts, including masturbation, before marriage. The TV show depicts the main character Daphne forced into marrying a man because they were caught kissing.
If they weren’t to marry one another, then Daphne would’ve been shamed within the community.
Women are almost always conditioned to find love or satisfaction from a partner and not from themselves. However, sex should be pleasing to you and fulfilling self-desires should come first before pleasing a partner.
Self-sexual stimulation can be some of the greatest love and care you could experience.
Masturbation also causes the body to release tons of helpful hormones, such as dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins, otherwise known as “happiness hormones,” according to Healthline.
These hormones positively affect your mood and physical health because they are associated with stress reduction, bonding and relaxation, according to the same article.
This form of self-love may also boost your self-esteem because you’re spending quality time getting to know your body.
While you’re learning to enjoy your body and figuring out what feels pleasurable to you, practicing self-sexual stimulation can help you love and accept your body.
Self-pleasure can also teach you discipline. Rather than looking for multiple partners for satisfaction, you can rely on yourself for pleasure.
Some people might not feel good about themselves once they’ve hooked up with a stranger, but if you know what you enjoy, you can “hook up” with yourself and not be disappointed.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t desire sexual relations with a partner, but it shows you don’t need a partner to ultimately achieve sexual satisfaction.
Practicing self-pleasure could improve your sex life by helping you figure out what’s pleasurable and exciting for you, which in turn can help you show your partner what you enjoy in the bedroom, creating a deeper bond together.
