I never realized how much vaping took over my entire daily life until it was too late.
Seconds after rolling over in my bed and removing my retainers, I grabbed my mint-flavored vape and enjoyed a fresh hit. The first hit of the day was always the best.
Some of you may read this and automatically think “fiend” and honestly I can’t argue, I was.
The crazy thing is I never noticed how hooked I was until writing this.
When it was time for my 15-minute break at work, I would spend each of those minutes savoring my cool mint-flavored vape.
When I would drive to school, I had one hand holding the steering wheel and the other holding my vape.
If I forgot my vape at home, my three options consisted of: go home and grab it, stop at a smoke shop and purchase another or have a shitty day.
I am not exaggerating — not having a vape would ultimately ruin my day.
Most of my classes are no longer than an hour and 15 minutes, yet I would stare at the clock waiting for class to be over so I could return to my car where my beloved vape was.
It didn't help at all that I worked at a smoke shop with shelves of different branded vapes and tobacco surrounding me and customers constantly puffing around my register.
Most of my peers vape, so smoking has become the go-to thing to do in social settings.
Vapes are being passed around more than salt at the family dinners.
Sadly, I cannot recall my life before vaping.
While quitting, it was extremely hard to go about my daily routines without a vape in my left hand because I was so used to having it in hand no matter what I was doing or where I was going.
Looking back, it is crazy that not only was I buying a new vape for $20 every two days, but these vapes had six thousand puffs and I was running out that frequently.
I've never been good at math but that’s about $60 a week on a student budget.
I’d tell my friends I couldn’t go out because I didn’t have the funds, yet I would always find the money to fund my nicotine addiction.
I constantly made excuses as to why it wouldn’t be an ideal time to quit.
Telling my partner, “School has me stressed out and vaping helps,” or “I’ll quit after the new year,” — the list of excuses could go on forever.
In reality, it was never the timing that wasn’t ideal, it was me.
I scared myself trying to imagine what type of person I would become without my vape.
What if I become different? Mean? Bored with life? Fat?
Again, I could go on with this list of “what-ifs” for eternity.
Right after my birthday in December, I decided to start my quitting journey.
I woke up one morning and tossed out every vape in sight.
As days progressed, the itch to vape grew more and more.
It was so hard, I had to constantly remind myself that these feelings were temporary and I would get past these withdrawals and cravings as if I was a crack addict fiending for cocaine.
I wish I could say this is a happily-ever-after ending like some Disney Channel movie, but that is not the case.
I was wrong. Months later I still get the urges to grab my friends’ vape out of their hands and blow a big cloud of smoke or go to my local smoke shop and have a “spur of the moment” kind of day.
I always remind myself, “Mind over matter, Maya.”
