San Jose State communications junior Paige Waid said her life changed last year when she came home from a morning run in August to discover her father died from a heart attack.
"'[While I was running] I just felt I had everything I wanted for a second," Waid said during a Zoom interview. But her life quickly took a sharp turn.
"When [first responders] told us there was nothing more that they could do, I remember feeling so sick to my stomach,” Waid said.
Before that morning, she said she was content with how her life was going because she strengthened her relationship with her family, especially with her father during the pandemic.
“In a way, I feel like for me it kind of was [a blessing] because I got to spend time with my family a lot that I haven’t been able to,” Waid said. “It was nice being home.”
She also said being home allowed her and her dad to engage in activities they enjoyed doing together, such as watching their favorite TV show or swimming in their backyard pool.
“It was nice to have that quality time with him,” Waid said. “He usually worked a lot or I was at school and we haven’t gotten that [time] since I was in high school.”
She said her family struggled planning his funeral service because they had to adhere to social distancing regulations.
“We weren’t able to do things as easily for him,” Waid said. “We couldn’t have a normal [funeral] because of COVID-19.”
Grieving students are experiencing social isolation because of social distancing measures and lengthy school closures, making it it difficult for schools to provide support according to an April 10, 2020 National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement report.
When a family member or close friend dies, students cope with not just losing that loved one, but also losing everything that person did or could’ve done, the report stated.
“During a pandemic that requires social distancing and school closures, the magnitude and importance of the secondary losses may be accentuated,” the report found.
San Jose marriage and family therapist Dr. Margaret Greig said anyone who lost a loved one should share their experience with others because it helps relieve the pain.
“The key to grief is always talking about it. The more you talk about it, the more the intensity of it lessens.” Greig said over the phone. “Tell your story over and over until it doesn’t have the emotional weight it used to.”
According to a Feb. 12 Affordable Colleges Online article, a website for information on higher education, coping with loss can be especially challenging for college students who are away from their family, often for the first time ever.
Grieving past losses and anticipating future ones can make students anxious about their future,according to an April 8, 2020 Trinity University article by counseling expert Dr. Richard Reams.
Radio, TV and film sophomore Jack Torres said he preferred to privately grieve the death of his uncle, who passed away in Mexico from COVID-19 related complications in January.
His uncle was one of more than 2.6 million deaths worldwide, according to Our World in Data research.
“I kind of have this thing where it’s like autopilot mode,” Torres said in a Zoom call. “I kind of let my body take control of what I am doing. I don’t really let my mind and my heart like really kind of go through all of that.”
Torres said he preferred not to share his loss with other people, including his instructors.
“I don’t like to tell people how I feel about my stuff,” Torres said. “I don’t like to let people know my personal business. I never notified any of my teachers.”
Unlike Torres, Waid said sharing her feelings about her dad’s death to other people helped her work through her grief.
“All my teachers were actually pretty understanding,” Waid said. “Being in school was hard, but I also knew that sitting around, being sad was not going to do anything for me.”
Greig said it is important for people to figure out a coping mechanism that works best for them when processing grief.
“You want to thrive, not just survive,” Greig said. “The more you can face these things head on and be honest about what is going on inside of you about what you lost, the more healthy you will be.”
