At some point in every woman's life, in one form or another, she feels taken for granted, practically invisible, never celebrated or praised for all the work that she does and she learns to never expect a thank you.
I truly hate that feeling and how normal it has become to see women do it to one another.
I know I’ve been on both the giving and the receiving end of this kind of treatment, and I’m still trying really hard to always recognize and change it.
It’s hard to change this behavior, to rewire your brain to stop doing something that’s part of your human nature.
The vicious cycle is so chronological.
It starts with the mother, then eventually as you, the daughter, grows older you begin to discover that you are not praised as much as the boys when you do something just as equally right.
Sometimes you’re the older sister who gets annoyed when your mom forces you to take your annoying little sister with you to an outing with all your friends and you fail to realize that one day you’ll be begging her to take your phone calls or hang out with you when she’s a teenager or college-aged adult like you once were.
All relationships are ever-changing and in the mix of it all, it's so easy to take someone for granted when you never really intend to do it and you don’t even notice when you are doing it.
The person can be someone so important, even a parent-like figure, who has always had this profound presence in your life. You can’t imagine a life without them and you naively think you’ll never have to.
But that’s not true.
I would argue women really are the biggest target of these experiences.
Your mother gave you life and there’s nothing you could ever do that could be considered unforgivable in your mother’s eyes.
With that being said, don’t all mothers, being creators of life and giving unconditional love, deserve our utmost attention and respect?
They deserve so much more than rolling eyes, grunts and monosyllables. They deserve more than orchids once a year on Mother’s Day.
I can’t pretend that I have never been an ungrateful daughter.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve made efforts to fix those past mistakes, but I don’t think there is a way I could thank my mother for all the hard work she has put into raising me.
I cannot imagine what it must have been like to brave motherhood alone.
My mother took on both roles because I had a father who was in and out of the house, and unreliable.
My mother did what she could with what she had and she didn't expect anything back.
The concept of the “invisible mother” is not foreign or uncommon at all, according to a 2018 article by Psychology Today.
Mothers step into motherhood with the expectation that appreciation is not and should not be needed or wanted for doing motherly work because that would be self-serving and shameful, according to the same article.
I hate that any sort of affirmation, appreciation or praise that a woman wants is labeled “self-centered” or “shameful” when every person comes from a mother!
I cannot lie though, I’ve been the ungrateful daughter, the ungrateful sister, the ungrateful friend. That’s a much more self-centered position to be in.
I have also felt unappreciated and undervalued at other times and I’ve yearned to say the words, “I want more from you,” but haven’t.
I recognize that motherhood is hard work, and so is daughterhood. I’ll never be perfect at any of these roles, I also know I won’t get praise for them.
I fantasize about what kind of mother I will be one day. I certainly want to be like my mother even if the cycle continues and my daughter rolls her eyes at me.
I don’t get to see my mother every day now, and it grows harder to make time just for her. It's become easier to take her for granted and for me to think, “I’ll call her another day.”
When I go back home I can see how my mother’s face has aged and I’m sure she notices how my face has matured.
It's been the most beautiful experience to watch my mother grow throughout her motherhood.
But it doesn’t change the fact that I still need her now and that I’ll need her in the future even if it’s not as much.
I never knew I would experience the feeling of being taken for granted, if I had, I would have made more of an effort to avoid making anyone feel that way.
When I do experience it, I think back to times when my mother did everything in her power to make me smile.
She sheds a warm, pink hue on my life and makes me stop — pause — breathe and think,“I am stronger than I feel sometimes and I will be okay.”
I don’t think anyone could ever make me feel that way other than the woman who gave me life.
